We have all heard the saying, "We don't get to choose our family." Maybe after a disastrous Christmas dinner or a family reunion that did nothing but bring together an aura of hostility and rivalry between one side's aunt and the other side's grandmother. Whatever it may be, almost all families have their drama. But what happens when you come to find yourself dealing with this sort of "drama" almost anytime you communicate with certain members of your family?
I was born into a dynamically interesting family. My mother had been married prior to my father and gave birth to my older sister at the age of 18. Although, my mother's parents were the guardians and caregivers for my older sister. After I was born, my parents had another child, whom is my only "full blood" sibling (she and I are 13 months apart). When I was just 6 years old, my mother passed away from a genetic heart disease and a year later, my dad started dating a woman. After a few years, my father and this woman had a child whom is my brother now. After some great but also tumultuous years, they divorced and I have remained close with my stepmother. My problem is this, through the years and throughout my childhood, I bared the brunt of everyone else's problems and in return, received a very hard and somewhat traumatic life. I am sure I will get the chance to explain the details of my experiences, but for now I will keep them simplified.
Over the years and difficulties which have arose through my family, I have become extremely independent and ventured out on my own as soon I was given the chance. I can remember being as young as 12 years old, wishing I were 18, just so I could make my own choices and create a better life for myself. I grew up constantly being in the crossfire of family conflict and it took a tremendous toll on myself and what some people get to fortunately call their "childhood". After years of my own feelings of resentment, frustration, pain, anger, as well as several other emotions, I began my "spiritual awakening" and really coming into myself...with that, I have learned to open my heart and really learn to forgive and live through love and compassion. The thoughts and emotions I have been brought to ponder these past few months is, through living in a "positive" lifestyle and eliminating the negative, at which point do we draw the line when it comes to family?
I do love my family beyond words. I will and always have had the feeling that family should be your main support and your backbone no matter what. Family "should" consist of UNCONDITIONAL love. My reality though has shown me that the feelings and support aren't always reciprocated. After years of hard work and trying to climb out of the piles of drama and messes, I wonder just how much "eliminating" I can do when it comes to my family. I find myself giving and giving and trying to reach out and love them and forgive them through it all, but I am just not seeing the actions or the degree of love in return. Don't get me wrong, we definitely do have some good times, and yes, they are there for me at times, but the drama just seems to never cease. I am working extremely hard to relieve any unnecessary stress in my life and to surround myself around positive people, people who support and love me. But still the same question, "what to do about my family?"
In affect from my experiences, I have landed myself in a pretty lonely situation. I have been on my own for almost 5 years now, and have had a child for 3.5 of those years. I have slowly but surely isolated myself from any drama, so that I am able to create the life that I want, without the effect of other's opinions following my every move. I guess you can say that I am a bit of a homebody, and being a single mother doesn't help that much. So, my social life is slim to none, leaving me with few close friends and a naturally somewhat "lonely" life. I find myself looking to my family even more for that reason, though knowing I will receive the same disappointing response. It's a cycle that I have been unable to break, until now (at least I think so). I am coming to the realization that we do not have to include certain people into our lives, and that we can create our own family through new relationships and friends that we meet. The conflict I am having is how far can we really go with "choosing our family?" Or can we even make that choice without being detrimental to a possible "family-life" situation in the future?
Do we choose family just as we choose our friends involvement in our lives? Or do we continue a relationship that deems itself as "unhealthy" at this point for the simple yet complicated fact that they are "blood"?
What do you think?
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